I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
