I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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