I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
