You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
