I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
