I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.