You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.