Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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