I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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