Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Terrible idea I love it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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