i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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