doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
