I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
