I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
