you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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