Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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