I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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