I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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