8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
