hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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