I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
