ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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