At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
