We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
