I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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