I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
