On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
