3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
