Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
