I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
