I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
