You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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