I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
