I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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