so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
