yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
