It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
