the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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