Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
