I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize