Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
