There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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