we were pretty classy up until the second keg
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
