the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize