She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
