why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
