the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress