Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine