I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest