I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
