My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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