I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
