well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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