honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
