So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
