we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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