I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
