I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize