Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She even gives head with a lisp.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
