I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
