Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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