so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
